I haven't written in a while because I'm losing steam. I haven't even really got my feet under me with this project and already I'm failing. Challenging yourself and change is hard. I'ts not like I'm trying to change a lot. I'm just trying to exercise more, get my mind wrapped around positive things and get myself out there...doing things...things that I can look forward to. I've already fallen back into my old routines. Epic fail.
I was eating lunch at a coffee shop the other day and I noticed at the table beside me there was a woman and her two preschool-aged kids and another woman who was probably Grandma. The girl child (about 2-3 years old) was squirming in her chair, but nibbling on her peanut butter sandwich between distractions. Boy child (about 8-9 months) was in his high chair, banging on the table while mom was feeding boy child on her left, telling girl child on her right to sit still and eat and then barely getting in a bit of food from her own plate.
As I'm watching this mom-dance between stuffing food down the gullett of baby boy whenever his mouth would veer close to her hand on one side of the table, and moving the little girl's glass away from the edge of the other side of the table, telling her to sit up, eat more, etc., I notice that the little boy's body was turned completely toward Grandma, who was eating her meal smiling. laughing, nodding and playfully touchingthe boy's hand, nose, etc. in an effort to make him laugh. As I'm watching mom juggling cats in order to get her kids to eat, but not eating her own food and Grandma getting all the attention of the little boy, I realized what this represented.
We tend to turn away from that which is hard, challenging, the rules... in favor of what makes the journey easier, fun, and with less responsibilities. Why wouldn't we turn to someone who makes us laugh instead of giving our full attention to someone who keeps telling us to sit up straight, quit talking so loud and clean our plate?
So, as far as my progress goes, the working out will be tough for me to make fun. I'd rather take a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. Well, not really, but you get the analogy. As far as the eating right goes, I'll just have to be an adult and know the satisfaction will pay off later.....I'll miss my sugar. And as far as planning things to look forward to, I'll just have to put my butt in the desk chair and make plans in order to make fun. Remember when you were young and mom and dad made all those fun plans for you? You would pad out to the kitchen on Saturday morning and they would tell you that you were going to the water park or on a picnic or whatever. Parents dealt with clearing the calendar, paying admission fees, packing the lunches and sharking for parking. All you had to do was show up. Being an adult is totally overrated.
I've debated what I'd do for the 4th of July this year and thought about the fact that the easy answer would be to just stay home. Who wants to deal with the smelly, sweaty crowds, the loud-talking person in line next to you, the hot-nasty-toilets-in-a-plastic-box that are located a mile and a half from the patch of grass where you're sitting and the schlepping of your supplies from the car to your "spot" only to listen to 30 minutes of music and see little explosions in the sky and haul it all back?
Well, maybe watching the kid next to you watch the show mouth agape at the amazement of it all or having people around you laughing and having fun is enough to go. Maybe it's just a good idea because it's something you only do once a year; it's out of the ordinary. The challenges and planning and work will probably be worth it. I just need to get off my butt and do it. It's like a sugar buzz: it's great while it lasts, but when it wears off, it's bad. Maybe some sugar will make it easier.