Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Finding Ways to Enjoy My Journey

Wise Necklace
So I'm kind of mad at myself.  I started this blog in the hopes that I could document my journey back to loving my life. I had grown to hate the path my life was taking and I had great intentions of posting a blog every week about my adventures.

Then, I experienced some of the darkest days I've had in a long time starting last spring.  I quit blogging, writing or being creative at all.  I'm slowly coming back.  In order to come back, I had to take action.

I had some fun experiences this summer that I wouldn't have had if I not been striving to find that elusive thing that would bring me back to life.  I traveled.  I traveled a lot.  I went to see my dad at the beach for two weeks.  I love spending time with my dad.

Beach front street in Gulfport, FL after
tropical storm Debby.
The last  two days of the trip, however,  were punctuated with tropical storm Debby.  I've never been in a tropical storm before and I was completely awed at what a creepy sound the wind makes when sustained winds blow through the houses in the neighborhood by the beach.  It was kind of exciting.

Empire State Building
I met a couple of college friends from Austria in New York City for a few days during their honeymoon.  No, I promise I wasn't an intrusion; they assured me.  We had an absolute blast and I fell in love with this crazy, active, alive, busy city as we constantly discovered new things and walked our asses off!  I hope someday I can return to New York...perhaps meeting a publisher for the first time or some other optimistic writing endeavor of mine.

Finally, my hubby and I spent two weeks in Canada.  We visited with friends and then went to our friends' cottage (water access only) to unwind on the river.  It was beautiful.  We went on day trips exploring cottage country, drove the boat around the river and in the evenings would come back to the cottage and to the welcome of a neighbor's pet duck, Mr. Quackers.  I fell in love with this creature.  What a wise old soul Mr. Quackers is and it's funny how sometimes we connect with someone else, maybe not even the same species, in a way that is almost spiritual.  I hope to be able to see him again someday.

Mr. Quackers

I've realized that in order for life to be worth living, you have to make things happen.  That wasn't the case when I was young.  Things just kind of happened to me.   Sometimes I feel like my 30's and 40's were wasted time because I didn't make things happen for myself.  I feel as if I've wasted time in my life.  I'm beginning to realize that that's not necessarily true.

I saw a quote the other day about this.

“Wherever we are now is just a step on the way to somewhere else. Whatever we do and however well we do it, it is only a preparation to do something else, something different than what we are doing at this moment.”
~Robert Louis Stevenson

So as I watch people much younger than me who are much more "successful" in their careers than I am, I have to remember that life is not about the timeline that I put on myself or about comparing myself to others.  I haven't failed if I didn't reach my goal yet.  There is still time.  It's about the journey and the experiences I get along the way to my goal.

I'm going to try to not be so mad and hard on myself.   I have to keep my head up and realize that life is half what I pursue for myself and 90 percent of what is presented to me.  I know that I can't just sit on the couch and wait for things to happen to me, but I now have a little more faith in the fact that I'm exactly where I am supposed to be right now and good things will come my way.  I just need to take more trips and have more adventures.  I'm sure Mr. Quackers would agree.

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