Sunday, January 1, 2012

Back in the Saddle...

I know it's been a long time since my last post.  I've been kind of busy....

At the point when I quit writing, I was doing hospice care for my beloved cat, Miss Kitty, who needed my full attention.  I was up at 4am to begin medicines for the day and the pills, liquids, injections, baths, fluids and laundry continued throughout the day.  She had been diagnosed in January with anemia from complications with kidney failure and the vet said she probably would decline within two weeks.  She lasted until August 29th.   I still can't get used to how quiet our house is.  I miss her madly.  She was a magical soul.

I also had knee surgery and started a new job and frankly, didn't feel at all like writing, let alone anything else.  I am trying desperately to pull my rear up off the ground and join life again.  My initial purpose of beginning this blog to fall in love with my life again back in early 2011 illustrates how blissfully unaware I was at what was to come, since life hit me with a force of a two-by-four-to-the-face last year.

If you ask me what my New Year's resolution is, I'd tell you that I don't make resolutions.  I don't believe that we should measure our lives by the twelve-month calendar and that life is a continuum,  but this year I might make an exception.

Yes, the standard "I want to lose weight, eat better and exercise more" is on the list.  Also, I want to cut down on my sugar, write more and invest in my writing.  I want to somehow find more hours in the day to indulge in the things that used to bring me joy and work on myself more.  I want to let go of regret about what hasn't happened in my life and embrace more optimism and initiative about things that I CAN do in my life.  By the way, if anyone has any suggestions about how to find more time in the day, let me know.  Getting up earlier is not an option, however.

Over the Christmas holidays, my family was all together and it was wonderful.  In fact, one of the best holiday seasons I think I've had in a long, long time.  We all went to see Cavalia - Odysseo.  It is a spectacular show illustrating the beauty of the relationship we have with horses.  That sentence doesn't really do it justice, but I don't know how else to explain it if you've never seen it.

While watching the show and the acrobatics with the performers, both human and equine, I had a thought that maybe those performers were doing everything they wanted with their lives.  They were making an impression on people by performing a beautiful show, they were in top physical shape, some of them hanging on to poles gracefully spinning 40 feet off the ground or holding themselves upside down off of the sides of a full-gallop horse.  They were creating art and expression and they were creating music and making life happen for themselves.  I want that for myself.  I want to be expressing myself to my fullest potential, creatively, physically and mentally.  I want to influence or coach others in a way.  I want to be thought of as top in my field, I want to be physically and mentally fit.  I want to feel good when I wake up and stay energetic throughout the day.

I know it will take baby steps, but I'm finally willing to put in the hard effort it will take.  I'm done letting life pass me by.  I'm back in the saddle.

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